Summer Camp 2013 - Series 3

Shri. Pattabhiram lecture session on Love & Family Life

Pranams to all of you. Guruji is in exuberant mood and currently busy with our 'Sadhana Vidyalaya' school management, teachers and the students. With the blessings from the Guru Parampara & with continuous sincere efforts from both Guruji & Jyothi Ma, ably supported by good staffs & well wishers, today the school has grown from strength to strength. We would try to provide frequent updates about the school in upcoming months which we are sure, all the readers would be excited to know about. 

Now coming back to this year Summer Camp updates, during the camp, Guruji, had asked the participants to follow three tasks compulsorily.

First - To Observe Silence (mouna) between 5:00 A.M. to 7:30 A.M. He requested aspirants to try not to talk at all during these period even if one needs to communicate badly. He placed a challenge to prove verbal communication is not the real communication and even through silence one can communicate his/her feelings, presence & love.

Second - Personal Anushthana (sadhana) from 6:15 A.M. to 7:30 A.M.  Guruji requested each one of them to select same place, same time & same sadhana practice throughout the camp. He stressed on the importance of discipline & punctuality and asked to find out if all the dimensions of our personality, starts enjoying that fixed time, that space and that activity.

Third - Compulsory walking for one hour in the evening and be together with the nature

Daily Sadhana at Summer Camp

It was evident that the aspirants who had come for the summer camp had enthusiastically practiced them sincerely and could appreciate the positive effects of them.

Moving ahead, hope the aspirants could relate and contemplate on 'shiva shaktya yukto' which Guruji explained during his first session. In this series of updates about the camp, we are today happy to share Guruji's deep thoughts about the Family Life. 

To start with, Guruji gave a brief background about the profound importance of family life. He requested all the aspirants to come together to enquire into, a very vital and highly experiential field called family. He stated that:

"Grahashrama provides an opportunity for a jeeva to go through all types of experiences. With the consent and support of the partner, one can get into any experiment, whether it is sexual experiment, physical experiment or spiritual experiment , It’s only Grahashrama that provides such a wonderful opportunity to learn to understand, to unfold, excel and go beyond. But unfortunately, we have vulgarized it, commercialized it, and killed the very beauty, very sacredness of this family institution.

So now, with all openness let us try to understand, what is a family, what to expect from the family and why we need a family. Grahashrama, It’s called ashrama, ashrama means where there is no strain or no exhaustion. It is a space of leisure, where the relaxation is the base, where there is no exertion and no exhaustion. It is a place of fulfillment, enrichment, enhancement and expansion, that is called ashrama. Family is also called an ashrama where we expand and enrich ourselves.

Here Guruji expressed his concern over not getting any satisfactory answer over the years, from any of the family members during his travel across places about the purpose of a family life. He then stated: 

Everybody says, that they are striving hard to build up a good family? But without defining what is a family, how one can work for it ? Even our prohit’s, or priest, they do not explain anything about marriage, the family, purpose of the family etc., that’s why we are rubbing with the wrong side of the family, where there is only friction and no happiness. This results in always going through self pity, pain, disgust, desperation, helpless feeling, that is because we are not defining it. Moment you define it, then everything becomes very clear.

So let us begin with all humility, with this profound question, what is a family ?

Guruji then asked the participants to define 'family' according to them. Enthusiastic participants then tried to define the Family in their own ways. Hearing each responses, Guruji in his own humorous style  answered why it can't be real definition of the family life. Guruji then stated that even to define now what is a family, without the partners consent one cannot define it. Event to define, both the partners have to come together. So Guruji asked all the participants who have come along with their partners, to sit together later in the day and come with the definition of what family is. Moving on Guruji remarked:

"We discuss all topics, but so far we have not, sat and discussed, 'what is the purpose of our marriage', why we are not able to get along?, why we are not able to relate with each other?, why we are not able to relish the space?. Silently we have been carrying our pain, our misery, our expectation, our desire, our ambition, our idealism, but when we two come together, it’s only an explosion. One yields to it, and another dominates it. It is the story of every family because we are all scared thinking, 'if we open up this what will happen?...

Please don’t lose interest saying it’s an impossible task and don't drop it as it is.

Grahasthrama is a tapas. Tapas means, experiencing the heat and rising above the heat, that is called tapas. In tapas, there is no fighting. There is no resistance. In tapas, there is total acceptance. If I am doing tapas means, there is total acceptance. For e.g. if 'mouna vratha' (silence) is my tapas (austerity), then it means I have accepted it completely. Physically, emotionally, psychologically & intellectually. The moment I accept 'mouna vratha' completely, then all the factors which are there in me, which don’t like this 'mouna vratha' will start reacting. This is the healing crisis. Every sadhaka has to go through this crisis. It’s very easy to fight it out, very easy to avoid, very easy to run away, very easy to pass over, but very difficult to accept it. In that acceptance, only intelligence has to work, nothing else.

So many of us, may be under this feeling, 'Guruji, we have gone beyond this stage, there is no point in going back and suffering;, so let's not really bother about our family'. That's why we have become individualized islands in the ocean. Family is the ocean, and we have created insulated islands where we are constantly working for our survival. Then all through marriage, family is going to remain as a myth where we start accepting the sufferings.

So let us start where we are and find out "Is it possible for me to redefine what is a Family", then the family will have a meaning. Otherwise NO. When I have to leave the body, with what message I am going to to leave the body? This is the challenge, every family person has to answer.

OK, I fought over the years, for what ? why did I fight ? kimartham? This is the basic question we have to answer. Start this question today, don't postpone it to the end, all most at the verge if I start putting the question and don’t find the answer, it’s of no use. Manusya janma (human life) is very rare.  So friends ask this question again, with all sincerity, what is a family?

One could sense that Guruji was really concerned with the careless attitude of many family in today's generation which was evident in his lecture. He seriously remarked:

I need a companion, somebody who can prepare food, I need somebody, who can satisfy my urges, I need somebody to take care of my parents, I need somebody to take care of my desire, is the family for that only? If it is for that only, then why one have to hold on to only one person? One can get varieties who can provide with much more things. If I get married, only for companionship, there are wonderful companions all over. Is that the premise of the family or something else?. If that is the premise, then logically it is right, that’s where the divorce takes the upper hand. Logically every person who is divorcing, has an answer. There you cannot discuss much because it’s very clear, I wanted the companionship, I am not getting here, so I am getting out of it... Very simple, it’s purely a business .

Some of you may be wondering, why did I take up this topic "Love & Family Life" this time. There are two types of sadhana. First type is crucifying your own self and emerge as a bright star. Another type, don’t touch yourself, crucify others and you enjoy. Himalayan parampara belongs to the first type. You don’t crucify anybody, you crucify yourself. You fix your own self. Its very easy to fix others. My marriage & my family is not successful because my wife is like this, my husband is like this, my mother-in-law is like this, my father-in-law is like this, my brother-in-law or sister-in-law is like this etc., It's very easy to blame it on others. For that there is no answer. Your convenience is the answer.

Sometimes I get scared about thinking of our youngsters. It’s very serious issue. If we say it’s a cultural problem, religious problem, social problem etc., then what is your accountability & responsibility in it?. Everybody is dumping like that, there is no end to it. somewhere we have to bell the cat. It may not work immediately, but still you have to move in that direction. We are all suffering because we have the attitude of saying, 'hum kya kar sakthe hai? (what can I do?) For everything this is the statement.

We are trying to compensate this area with money, comfort, outings etc. It’s all easy diversion and they are not helping in building up the relationship. You may be taking your kids, partners, to fancy places, tourist spots all over, but they are not going to build up your relationship. We are just pampering, and it’s becoming an addiction, it’s becoming a habit pattern, it’s becoming expensive and what not.

If you are happy with what’s happening with you, then let’s not go further. We have taken life so lightly. For us money is important, status is important, our word is important, but not this.  For silly reasons, family are getting destroyed. You are not able to just drop it because the mind does not allow you to drop it. 90% of the mind is suffering with the disease called the illogical stuckness.

Even though I want to bring out a good relationship in my family life, why I am not able to bring out the good relationship, is the challenge. Even though I want to create a very happy family, why I am not able to create  a happy family? Here comes the clue, it's not your partner, it is YOU, YOU and YOU only. YOU are the family and YOU are the extension of your family. Everyone else comes later. Now if you are serious, you catch yourself, not your partner, you start correcting yourself. When you start correcting yourself, automatically the corrections happens with your partner also. We are not able to solve the problem because we have identified the problem with others.

We all get tempted, attracted by one face of the person. That person nose is good, so let me marry. After 6 months it gets swollen. So I married not you, I married the nose. Sometimes you would be impressed with the way he or she smiles, the way he or she talks. So to marry, what did you see ? You have not seen anything, you saw what you wanted, you saw what deficiency you had and you wanted to compensate. Once this deficiency is over, then you don’t need it anymore. If you try to find out, then you will see, the problem is not anywhere outside, problem is in you only. This is blocking your entire journey. You are not able to move because we have not understood this properly. 

So I want you to stay with this question, what is a family and why do I need a family. Stay with this question please. Don’t try to get the answer by hook or crook. Just be with the question, then you will start seeing the unfoldment that is going to happen. You have to stay with it. if you stay with it, from different corners, different layers, different levels, things starts coming out. All the hidden thieves will come out, if you start looking at it and if you learn to stay with it. The question is what is this family and why do I need a family. Not a negative or positive question, just a question. If you think positively, then you try to find out positive answers. All rosy, goody goody answer will emerge. If you think negatively, oh my god. Both are dangerous.  So just stay with the question, that’s all.

Friends, let us with all sincerity work on these questions, untill we come up with the next update. Please feel free to share your feedback & opinions through the comment section below. If you do not have an account, you can still provide comments using 'Anonymous' option.

Thanks for reading, Vande Guru Paramparam...

(the messenger)