"Sir I have a question, did…" As I opened my eyes to ask my next question, Oops! Suddenly I saw myself alone in the Dhyana Mandir and the messenger was no longer to be found.
Where has he gone... ?
Sir!, Sir!.... I kept shouting looking all around... All I could see is the 'Jai Hanuman' sitting in the meditative posture at 'Dhyana Mandir'. But where did he go ? Was he really there? Is it my hallucination or am I still in my bed dreaming? What a day has it been for me. I am still to come to full terms of it.
What shall I do now? One part of the mind suggested me to go back to sleep and another part asked me to stay here to & do my japa & meditation. Many a times, I have seen this fight inside where one part suggests me to do something constructive for which I need to put some hard efforts, while another part suggesting me to do the opposite. I admit most of the times, it is the later which wins as I am habituated to the routine schedules.
What shall I do now? One part of the mind suggested me to go back to sleep and another part asked me to stay here to & do my japa & meditation. Many a times, I have seen this fight inside where one part suggests me to do something constructive for which I need to put some hard efforts, while another part suggesting me to do the opposite. I admit most of the times, it is the later which wins as I am habituated to the routine schedules.
'Get up at 5'0 Clock' tells one part whose voice is very feeble. 'Oh it is only 5'0 Clock, still you have enough time, sleep a bit more' says another voice whose voice is much more audible & strong! Even to listen to the feeble voice, I have to struggle a lot. Often I go with the more comfort & easy one, which results in snoozing the alarm clock, put a plaster on the feeble voice to keep its mouth shut & sleep! There ends my sadhana too on that day....
Atleast coming to the Ashram of this kind, which is a result of intense Sadhana & Tapas from our Guruji, I wanted to give the feeble voice more hearing. So I decided against going back to my bed. The moment I took the firm decision, I could see there is no more fight inside. I could no longer hear the suggestion of my mind to go back to my bed. Is this what Guruji used to say about 'Sankalpa' ?
I remembered what our Gurudev used to say about 'Sankalpa'.
"When I make a statement, the body, the mind, the intellect, the emotions, when all these dimensions accept that statement totally, completely and starts respecting it, that is called 'Sankalpa'. Sankalpa means one voice. No two voices inside. When sankalpa is pure, then 90% we have already reached the goal and won the battle".
Hmm..., now I realize that I am not able to succeed in my Sadhana, because the sankalpa shakthi is not there. I decided to keep my ears more open to that feeble voice. I resolved to give THAT it's importance which it deserves. I sat before Lord Anjaneya, closed my eyes and started doing my Japa.
After my japa got over, I remained there with my eyes closed...
Few quite moments passed by....
"Raghukul Riti sada chali aeee,
Pran Jaye par Vachan na jaye.”
Ram siya Ram siya Ram jay jay Ram
Ram siya Ram siya Ram jay jay Ram"
The Messenger is back!
Opening my eyes slowly I saw Him sitting there in the same place smiling and chanting with joyous mood. He called me again with same hand gesture movements. I quickly sat near him and before I ask him any question, He repeated singing:
"Raghukul Riti sada chali aeee,
Pran Jaye par Vachan na jaye..."
"Eh Balak, now you have resolved to hear your inner feeble voice, remember this is your 'Sankalpa'. This is the promise you have made to yourself. Give up your life, but not your word". If you are determined, possible distractions will still be there, but you will continue on your path and remain undisturbed."
I just nodded my head to what he stated. I sensed now that he could read my thoughts well in advance. I recollected how He used to give answers exactly matching my thoughts so far. More than surprise, I now started to feel more cautious to watch my thoughts. I feared what will He think of me, if he comes to know my routine ugly thoughts that keeps coming with me as my shadow.
He looked at me and smiled. There he is, he should have read this thought too. Oh God!, how to attain the state of thoughtless state?
He now started laughing. I could know the reason for his laughter. He must be laughing for my desire to have the thoughtless state.
Anyways, First, I want to know, where was he all this time?. why he suddenly vanished? I waited for him to answer by looking at him as I am sure he would have read my question too. But strangely he continued to have a blank face as if he is waiting for me to ask something. What a strange person He is? He answers for those questions, which I don't even ask Him and he remains silent for those questions, for which I wanted him to answer. Is he really reading my thoughts or is it my own imagination?
To dismiss this state, I decided to speak my mind instead of thinking about it.
Sir!, where....
"Son, Tell me for what purpose you came to Dhyana Mandir"?
Sir!, I thought let me do my morning japa here...So..
"Did you do at the first instance"?
No Sir!, when I was about to begin, I heard you chanting 'Rama, Rama', so I couldn't do it further...
"Son, that's why I left. I left so that you can do your Sadhana. Now you have done, I have come back again. Next time, when you see me interrupting during your Sadhana, ask me to Wait. I will be more than happy to wait for someone who is sincere to their Sadhana, understand"?
Ok Sir, is all I could say at that time... Sometimes, Words don't come easily... I realized it at this moment...
"So, what were you asking me, Did Hanuman recognized the greatness of Lord Rama at their first meeting ? right!. Even though knowing this information is not going to help you in any way for your own enlightenment, let me still answer it hoping that you would take it as reference..."
The Messenger continued stating, "You were feeling low for not able to recognize the greatness of your Guru in your first meeting, right! Unlike you, Hanuman at the very first sight of Rama & Lakshmana- at the time that he comes to find out who they might be – as they were wandering on the slopes of the Rishyamuka Hill, Hanuman’s heart melted with love for them. He feels as one who unexpectedly falls in with friends from whom he had parted long before".
"Wow, Hanuman Ji is so great….", I exclaimed.
Calmly he replied back, “More than the greatness of Hanuman, I would say, it could only happen through the Grace of Lord Rama”…
"So what were the thoughts that Hanumanji was going through when he met Ram & Lakshmana for the first time"? My curiosity questions were shooting to the messenger one by one…
The Messenger answered with closed eyes, “Seeing Lord Rama & Lakshmana, Hanuman thought within himself:
How even tigers and lions look on them with tenderness, as they would be having it on their own cubs!
Peacocks and other birds fly in groups and shade the delicate bodies of these strangers from the hot rays of the sun with their great wings;
Clouds cool them with their little rain drops, marching over them as they walk on;
The burning stones on their way become soft and cool as the honey-dripping flowers to their feet at every step;
Even trees and plants worship them, bending down their heads when they come near;
Are they Dharma’s self? Are these being gods indeed who wipe off the sorrows of living kind and give them salvation; Burning away the inevitable fruits of their deeds?
My very bones melt, the flood-gates of love are opened within my heart, and I see no limit or end to the affection that surges within me towards them !
Saying this, He again closed his eyes for few minutes. It helped me to recollect his words.
I once again glanced towards the Lord Hanuman statue in the Dhyana Mandir and was trying to visualize what he said about His first meeting with Lord Ram. I thought to myself, “I may not have that much sensitivity like Lord Hanuman to realize my Master when I met him for the first time, but now what is more important after realizing the presence of a true master is, to understand what is my duty as a disciple”.
As swami Rama used to say, "You may try your best to do something for your Guru, but you cannot, because he doesn’t need anything. You wonder, "Why is he doing so much for me? What does he want from me?" A Guru wants nothing, for what he is doing is his duty, the purpose of his life. They radiate life and light from the unknown corners of the world. The world does not know them, and they do not want recognition. They guide humanity. As the sun shines and lives far above, the guru gives spiritual love and remains unattached".
I felt thankful for having such a selflessless Guru with us and felt proud to be in that Guru lineage. I resolved myself, 'Let me not try to do things just to please him, but let me join Him in his mission & vision. Let me do whatever I can do as the squirrel did for Lord Rama in building the bridge to lanka'.
"Read the next line in Hanuman Chalisa", said the messenger keeping his eyes closed.
I should have brought my voice recorder today. How else am I going to remember whatever he is teaching me today?. Wondering what else is in store for me, I opened my Hanuman Chalisa book to recite the next line...
- 'Bansuri'
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